Relationship Advice for Love after Trauma
Ask Angela is now a podcast!
Listen on your favorite platform:
She’s waiting for me to change. I’m trying to figure out how.
I never learned how to communicate with a partner. That just wasn’t a reality in my life growing up. My wife and I are at a point where all she feels is resentment and isn’t really interested in doing any more work without me putting in all the effort I didn’t at the beginning of the relationship. I’m struggling bad—trying to figure out what to do for this relationship as she continues to wait on me to figure out how I’m going to do it. How do I begin to start fixing this thing that we are in?
Our traumas got the best of us. How do I break the cycle?
I am in the middle of going through a breakup with my one-year-old baby’s father. We got pregnant right away after dating for a couple of months and decided to have our baby. It has been a very tumultuous relationship, as we both have our fair share of trauma. I felt there was genuine love and care for one another, but our traumas got the best of us. I do want to have a healthy relationship with a man and show my son what a healthy relationship looks like. Still, I’m also terrified to get into another toxic relationship.
He’s a black-and-white thinker. I see the gray. How do we talk?
I want to improve my communication skills. I can't seem to communicate with my husband. I think I need help in fully listening to him and then answering him directly. He likes short, accurate answers: “yes” or “no.” His thinking is black and white and I am more of a gray thinker.
I want to be a better listener—but I can’t stop interrupting my partner!
I have a habit of listening and interrupting my spouse when she talks, because I feel the need to respond to something she said. How can I move away from this behavior? I know it’s not fair to her.
After 15 years of gaslighting, how can I be sure I wasn’t the problem?
I’ve learned I was gaslit for 15+ years in my marriage before I left. I was always the problem. Now that I’ve left, how do I know that I’m not that person? I know my heart is good and true, but what if she was right? I’m having trouble believing myself—am I actually good or just acting good?
Why won't my partner take emotional responsibility in our relationship?
I’m very much aware of my flaws and shortcomings. How do I convince my spouse or help them realize they also have issues to work through?
I grew up with constant fighting. Now I shut down during conflict. How can I work through this?
Growing up with parents fighting constantly has affected me in so many ways. Now, I have the tendency to shut down in difficult conversations. I withdraw into myself and just freeze up. My head goes blank, and it's difficult for me to focus on the conversation at hand. What are some effective ways to work through this?
My spouse and I both have past trauma and poor communication skills. Can we get better together?
If both you and your spouse have past trauma and poor communication skills, is it possible to heal together and learn how to have a better relationship? What if one spouse is more receptive to the journey than the other?
How do I foster growth in my relationship without my partner’s help?
How do I foster growth in a relationship when the other person is unwilling to put the necessary time aside weekly to communicate openly. I admittedly get flustered easily and raise my voice unintentionally. I think it’s because I feel that I’m not being heard every time I ask to talk about things going on.
How do I stop being so defensive in my relationship?
What can I do to stop falling into defense mode when my partners raises issues he has with me?
Doing what brings me joy makes my partner uncomfortable
“I’m a burlesque dancer and my husband is nominally supportive, but winces in disgust any time the topic is broached. Please help me understand how to proceed with my art without feeling like I’m betraying my husband.”
Get Ask Angela delivered to your inbox.
featured in
get started with our free relationship class
WE’re not born knowing how to communicate in relationships.
For many of us, we missed out on learning healthy communication skills during childhood. Instead of learning how to communicate in ways that allow both people to feel seen, heard, and understood, often we learn patterns of communication that create confusion, hurt, and disconnection. Or we learn that it’s safer to just keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves … and not communicate.
The secret to fulfilling relationships is learning how to connect with another person through communication. You can start learning the art of communication with our free communication class, The Communication Cure.
